Know it alls...(humor)


Ever know a Know It All Person?

I used to work with a guy like that...let's call him Jerry.  Jerry is one of those guys, that no matter what anyone did in the office, he always had a similar experience or knowledge and somehow managed to be better than anyone else at doing it.  He was so bad at behaving like this...that several times I set him up in front of other coworkers.  I would tell three or four of them that I was going to make up an odd experience or place I visited, and within five minutes of talking about it - this Jerry character would join in the conversation and have been in something just as similar. 

Sure enough...it went something like this:

<me talking to the other guys just as Jerry walked in the room> "Yeah man, I tell you milking a cow was the funniest thing I ever did when I went down south way back when.  A big city boy like me, hanging with the country boys."

<uninvited into the conversation Jerry steps in> "Milking cows?  Oh that's easy.  I did that upstate for years when I was visiting my hick side of my family.  It's really easy to do, no problem."  Meanwhile, I've never milked a cow, I just mentioned it to demonstrate his sickness in front of coworkers.

A few minutes goes by...and I started up again.  "Yeah, I can't wait to plan another trip to Arkansas.  I kinda like their weather and rural locations.  I might buy some property there and retire."

Here comes Jerry.  "Yeah, Arkansas has some very nice areas.  Very scenic areas.  I was there once when I was driving through with family.  We were there about 3 days.  Had a great time.  They have a great retirement community over there."  No one ever recalled him mentioning a family road trip in the Midwest - ever.  Nor is Arkansas known for having a great retirement community.  So the eye rolls from the other coworkers began, as he had barged in yet another time. 

But I wasn't done.

"Next summer, I might go to Brazil.  I've never been there and would like to visit the place where one of my martial arts instructors grew up."

Here he comes, "I once dated a girl from Brazil.  Yeah, I visited her once.  It was crazy.  I must have been 23 at the time. Her family was nice and took me around.  But I couldn't wait to go home.  It's too hot down there."

Yep...Jerry knew it all.  I had made up everything in the conversation, but he was dead serious about his own participation in similar experiences.  Meanwhile he didn't experience those things either.  He just couldn't help himself by saying something to make himself fit into the conversation.  He has long since left my job.  He was an otherwise harmless guy...but he just had to be in every conversation and be an expert on everything. To him and the millions of people like him...I'm developing yet another humorous character on here to be heretofore known as...
Jerry Knows!